I have been a working woman since I could remember. When my family moved to America I was eight years old and soon cleaning offices with my parents in the evenings. As a teenager I worked in the retail world and quickly found my identity and self-worth in my performance and how good I was at my job. When I joined the military at the age of twenty four, I had years of workplace experience and early on I learned that good performance equaled praise and awards. I loved working hard and seeing the results. I served in the military for ten years (active and reserve) and got out to be a mom.

Before I was a mom I would spend hours thinking about the kind of mom I would be. I would certainly be that Pinterest mother that was structured, had planned activities for my kids, made my own baby food and certainly did Bible studies with my kids including verse memorization. I would LOVE being a stay-at-home-mother!

As many of you already know, our journey of becoming parents wasn't a traditional one. We became foster parents January 28th, 2013 and were placed with our now adoptive daughter the following day, January 29th, 2013. We became parents overnight, literally! The social worker dropped off Micah-Grace one afternoon and then just left. We sat there looking at each other wondering, what now?

Fast forward three years. We now we have our daughter Micah-Grace and our 6 month old foster-daughter, Baby T. For the past three years I have struggled with being a stay-at-home mother. I have wondered, this is really it? I mean changing diapers, naps, time-outs, driving to school, laundry, etc. is not always fun! The different seasons of parenting are hard. I am not a Pinterest mom in fact, I am not very good with toddler structure, I have little patience for disobedience and the list goes on and on. Going to work was so much easier. I could have adult conversations, work hard, people sometimes said please/thank you and there was always an immediate result.

Earlier this month I had a come to Jesus moment when some people in my church had a hard conversation with me about my priorities. Lovingly they reminded me that my relationship with Jesus was most important, not what I DO for him. Secondly, my relationship with my husband must be healthy and finally my responsibilities as a wife and mother come before serving in the church. As you might imagine I didn't receive these words very well at first. I began to wonder what I had done wrong. Had I not given God my all? Wasn't the "work" I am doing in the church important? As I drove home after that conversation, I prayed that God would open my heart to what he had to say through His word and the people He had put in my life to shepherd me.

That afternoon God began to soften my heart to receive the loving words my friends had for me. At this time, God has given me two jobs, being a wife and mother. He hasn't called me to have a full-time job. He also hasn't called me to serve the church full-time. He knows how He has gifted me and that I can offer my talents to the church but it has to be with great discernment. My time has to be wisely used and I cannot forget that being a wife and mother is my first responsibility.

Why is all of this so hard to swallow? I am a performer and perfectionist. I like to see results. I make a plan and follow through with it. You can imagine the humbleness I have learned being a mother. I don't know about you but the feeling of not being good enough is always present. Your child doesn't listen, laundry is still not done, the house hasn't been cleaned in weeks, cartoons have been on way too long because I just can't deal with another meltdown...so on and so on. Many don't even acknowledge being a stay-at-home mother as a job and if they do it seems like they feel sorry for you more than anything. I can't say I remember the last time my daughter said, "Mom, you're so great. Thank you for all you do." I certainly can't remember someone coming to my door and presenting me with an mommy of the day award. On the contrary, social media has enabled our society to judge too quickly and make people feel like they are constantly missing something.

So what am I missing? The Enemy would love for me to believe that being a mother is not enough. He wants me to believe that God doesn't know what's best for me. It's the oldest lie in history.
He said to the woman, "Did God actually say, 'You shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?" (Genesis 3:1b). Can you hear him asking her if God really knows what's best for her? I mean if God really loved me He would want me to have everything I want! That isn't what God wants for me though. He knows that what's best for me today is to be a wife and mother. That doesn't mean my dreams and goals in the business world are dead. God has a time for that.
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. (Proverbs 19:21)

A wise woman in my church reminded me the time and energy I invest in my children today my not show "results" for years to come. Being at home with my kids may not be the fanciest job but it certainly is what God has called me to today and for that I am grateful. Even though I may not always be the best mother, God is always good and never fails to provide what I need.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)