As many of you already know today was a little nerve-racking (is that how you even spell that). I had a little break-down last night thinking of all the possibilities after this procedure. I was conflicted whether to feel joy and excitement or not to get my hopes up. My mind kept thinking of all the things that could go wrong. I felt very attacked by the enemy and in that next moment I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Many things may be against you but God is for you." I can't tell you how much peace those words brought me. It was such perfect timing. I shouldn't be surprised because that's just how God is. I was so blessed.
Something else I was really struggling with is whether I share this part of our story. When I wrote on my blog yesterday I didn't share it on Facebook at first. I had so much fear that if people knew our story they would be disappointed if something didn't work out. Like somehow I was in charge of fulfilling this huge task of making a baby. Once again in God's perfect timing He showed up. The Holy Spirit convicted me on my lack of trust in the Lord. Who was I not to share our story and withhold what God is doing in our lives? Moreover, if something "wrong" did happen why would I not let people walk us through that. God has given us community to share in our joys, trials, hurts, and so much more.
Later that night I posted our blog on Facebook. I was so blessed to read your comments. I felt God quietly whispering, "I love you and I want you to walk a life of transparency." Friends like you are sharing in our journey and I couldn't be more thankful for the most important thing you've done, pray. The Lord is good no matter what happens.
So here I am, walking in transparency. I am anxious about the results. I wonder if there is a little life growing inside my tummy. I cried this morning when friends lifted me up in prayer. I struggle with faith and so much more. I don't have it together. What I do have is the promise that God is faithful.
Thank you for your prayers. I am so grateful for you.
Praying for life...
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