That next day (Monday) I got another email about this boy still needing a home.  In my excitement I replied and asked for more information.  Mind you, Westin didn't know anything about it because he was sleeping from working overnight.  As I got to know more about this little guy I knew we could and should take this child.  There was no good reason not to, except maybe the fact that I didn't really know what I was getting into.  Sometimes I think God keeps us in la la land because if we did actually think about what we are doing we might not take the leap of faith.

We arrived at the foster home and saw a boy sitting on the couch wondering who we were and why we were taking him to another home yet again.  (Don't worry, Westin was on board with taking in this little guy).  After convincing him to get in our car we headed back to West Seattle excited to take him to get some ice cream. As I sat in the car the thoughts started pouring into my brain...and then I started crying.  The reality of what had just happened finally hit and I was second guessing everything!  

It was a hard first night trying to convince a five year old that being in a stranger's home is actually ok.  Trying to convince him that we want the best for him.  Trying to teach him that yelling, hitting and throwing screwdrivers at people is not really a proper way of acting.  It was rough!  Finally around 11:30PM our new little boy feel asleep on the couch with Westin while attempting to watch TV, which was the only thing we could get him to do other than the latter.  He slept until noon!

I didn't sleep much that night.  All I could think about is how I can get rid of this boy.  I want to be honest and say that was my heart.  After promising that I wouldn't give up on him before he came, that night all I could do is think about ways we could send him back.  I was devastated at the decision we made to take him in.  What was I going to do when my new little boy threw a tantrum at church?  Or in the store?  How would I explain that my perfect little family no longer existed (which it never did anyway)?  How did I get this kid after getting an angel the first time around?  All of these things were going on in my head.  My heart was anxious and I felt like throwing up all night.  

That next morning I was scheduled to attend and help lead at our Women's Bible Study where we were studying the Ten Commandments, specifically "You shall not make idols" Exodus 20:4-6. 

I wondered how I would teach about a text in scripture that really didn't apply to me.  Yes, I actually thought the text didn't apply to me.  As we began to read the scripture that was given along with the commandment, Exodus 32:1-14, God started speaking.  

"Dorina, you are acting just like the Israelites!  Here you are trying to find anything to put your trust in.  You are worried about what people think if he's not perfect.  If he acts out.  If he isn't what you expected but he is not the problem.  Haven't I been there for you from the very beginning?  Have you forgotten how I blessed you beyond your imagination with you first child?  I am teaching you that reliance on me is the only sure thing.  Even if he is a "good" child, that still won't satisfy you.  I am the only one that can bring you hope, peace and joy.  Know that being my daughter is enough."

Here I was, making all kinds of little idols.  The idol of perfection, idol of performance, idol of appearance and so on.  I was heartbroken over my sin and how I could forget all that God had done for us.  He was always faithful and He would continue to be with this placement also.  I prayed for much forgiveness and a new perspective on the gift God had given us.  We were called to love and serve this child and with God's help we were going to do so. 

So here we are on our sixth day with our new little guy.  Today was a HUGE day...our little man didn't visit time-out all day.  He is listening quicker, making better choices, not hitting us (for now at least) but most of all we can actually see he is starting to trust us.  Our days are full of prayers, crying out to God asking for Him to continue giving us supernatural love, strength and grace.  The Lord is so good and He is the only one that gets the glory.  Only with God's love and grace can a little boy meet complete strangers on a Tuesday and by Sunday be a totally different boy.  We are so excited to see what the Lord does in this little man's life.  We go into these things thinking we will change kids lives which we probably do to some extent, but really it's the kids that change us.  He is teaching us what love really is.  

Thank you for your prayers.  Above all, that is what we need most.