I have been a working woman since I could remember. When my family moved to America I was eight years old and soon cleaning offices with my parents in the evenings. As a teenager I worked in the retail world and quickly found my identity and self-worth in my performance and how good I was at my job. When I joined the military at the age of twenty four, I had years of workplace experience and early on I learned that good performance equaled praise and awards. I loved working hard and seeing the results. I served in the military for ten years (active and reserve) and got out to be a mom.

Before I was a mom I would spend hours thinking about the kind of mom I would be. I would certainly be that Pinterest mother that was structured, had planned activities for my kids, made my own baby food and certainly did Bible studies with my kids including verse memorization. I would LOVE being a stay-at-home-mother!

As many of you already know, our journey of becoming parents wasn't a traditional one. We became foster parents January 28th, 2013 and were placed with our now adoptive daughter the following day, January 29th, 2013. We became parents overnight, literally! The social worker dropped off Micah-Grace one afternoon and then just left. We sat there looking at each other wondering, what now?

Fast forward three years. We now we have our daughter Micah-Grace and our 6 month old foster-daughter, Baby T. For the past three years I have struggled with being a stay-at-home mother. I have wondered, this is really it? I mean changing diapers, naps, time-outs, driving to school, laundry, etc. is not always fun! The different seasons of parenting are hard. I am not a Pinterest mom in fact, I am not very good with toddler structure, I have little patience for disobedience and the list goes on and on. Going to work was so much easier. I could have adult conversations, work hard, people sometimes said please/thank you and there was always an immediate result.

Earlier this month I had a come to Jesus moment when some people in my church had a hard conversation with me about my priorities. Lovingly they reminded me that my relationship with Jesus was most important, not what I DO for him. Secondly, my relationship with my husband must be healthy and finally my responsibilities as a wife and mother come before serving in the church. As you might imagine I didn't receive these words very well at first. I began to wonder what I had done wrong. Had I not given God my all? Wasn't the "work" I am doing in the church important? As I drove home after that conversation, I prayed that God would open my heart to what he had to say through His word and the people He had put in my life to shepherd me.

That afternoon God began to soften my heart to receive the loving words my friends had for me. At this time, God has given me two jobs, being a wife and mother. He hasn't called me to have a full-time job. He also hasn't called me to serve the church full-time. He knows how He has gifted me and that I can offer my talents to the church but it has to be with great discernment. My time has to be wisely used and I cannot forget that being a wife and mother is my first responsibility.

Why is all of this so hard to swallow? I am a performer and perfectionist. I like to see results. I make a plan and follow through with it. You can imagine the humbleness I have learned being a mother. I don't know about you but the feeling of not being good enough is always present. Your child doesn't listen, laundry is still not done, the house hasn't been cleaned in weeks, cartoons have been on way too long because I just can't deal with another meltdown...so on and so on. Many don't even acknowledge being a stay-at-home mother as a job and if they do it seems like they feel sorry for you more than anything. I can't say I remember the last time my daughter said, "Mom, you're so great. Thank you for all you do." I certainly can't remember someone coming to my door and presenting me with an mommy of the day award. On the contrary, social media has enabled our society to judge too quickly and make people feel like they are constantly missing something.

So what am I missing? The Enemy would love for me to believe that being a mother is not enough. He wants me to believe that God doesn't know what's best for me. It's the oldest lie in history.
He said to the woman, "Did God actually say, 'You shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?" (Genesis 3:1b). Can you hear him asking her if God really knows what's best for her? I mean if God really loved me He would want me to have everything I want! That isn't what God wants for me though. He knows that what's best for me today is to be a wife and mother. That doesn't mean my dreams and goals in the business world are dead. God has a time for that.
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. (Proverbs 19:21)

A wise woman in my church reminded me the time and energy I invest in my children today my not show "results" for years to come. Being at home with my kids may not be the fanciest job but it certainly is what God has called me to today and for that I am grateful. Even though I may not always be the best mother, God is always good and never fails to provide what I need.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Dear Birth Mom on Mother's Day,

I have so many emotions when I think of you. My heart is so full of joy I get one more year to be called mother by our sweet little girl. With that joy I experience much sadness knowing you don't get to see what an amazing little girl you created. She is fun, full of smiles and a little crazy just like me. She loves to sing and doesn't care who is watching. Sometimes she is shy and a little bit of a loner but that's just how God made her. You would be proud of the little girl she is becoming. I wish you knew her. I know she would bring so much joy in your life.

This Mother's Day I pray you feel God's love for you. I know it wasn't easy giving up your child. I will always be so thankful for the part you played in this beautiful story of us becoming parents. I pray God's redeeming love finds you and restores your life so that one day you will know our sweet little girl. Thank you for our gift and choosing life.

Sincerely,
Adoptive Mom

We recently moved to the Las Vegas area last April and I have met many moms, families and people along the way. Play dates, library story times and conversations in general most always lead to our story of adopting Micah-Grace thru the Washington State Foster Care System. Generally the response is always something like this, "Wow! I have always thought about foster care. I could never do that. It would be so hard to let go of the kids and how could any parent do the things they do for their child to be in foster care? You guys are amazing!"

Now let me just say first hand, we are NOT amazing. I am always taken back by that comment because I am so aware how amazing we are NOT. We have experiences some joy, hardship, blessing and trials being foster parents but through it all, Jesus Christ has been our focus. We strongly believe everything can be used for God's glory. There have been moments where I have cried out in prayer not sure if I would be able to make it. The one thing that has never changed is Christ's love and provision. With every placement there is fear and uncertainty but God is good. He has a plan for our family and each child that comes into our home.

The other part of the response I always struggle with is the reactions about biological parents. Most of the time the response is filled with anger and judgement. When I share my daughter tested positive for two types of drugs more comments are made in defense of our little girl and how could a mom ever do that. I understand the anger and judgment but with so much love and gentleness I try to remind them of the following:

1. This may be all they know - Many parents of foster kids are a product of the system themselves. Moms addicted to drugs, alcohol and the lifestyle may know nothing else because that's all they saw. Remember when you were young and you were taught manners, to be thankful, to share, etc.? What if you didn't have parents to teach you that stuff? Wouldn't you follow their example? Maybe they were abused at an early age and their only way out of the situation was to go but they had no where to go. You never know these bio-parent's stories fully so don't be quick to judge.

2. You never know what tomorrow has for you - I don't know the future. Sometimes bad things happen and we may not be in a place in our lives to deal with it fully. I could lose my husband tomorrow and the pain of the event could put me over the edge making it impossible for me to take care of my daughter. Things can happen that break us. If you don't have family, community and people to support you through it, what makes you think you couldn't lose your kids? If that did happen, wouldn't you want a chance to get your child(ren) back? Some of these bio-parents made a mistake and need that love and support to get better for themselves and their child(ren).

3. Jesus - When you study the life of Jesus you see him with all the outcasts. He didn't go hang out with the "good" and "religious" people. His whole life is about saving the lost both physically and spiritually. Prostitutes, tax collectors, the sick and rejected people were who he wanted to be with because they needed His love. These bio-parents NEED our love. We could be the only people that show them grace, love, compassion and forgiveness. Trust me, they have enough people judging them.

I know what you may be thinking...wow that's really hard to do when you hear some of the foster care stories. Yes I know. What I have learned is God's love for me is big enough to share. He forgives me. He gives me second chances. He gives grace where grace is undeserved. When I remember what Christ has done and how much He loves me, it's easier to see through His eyes.

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven - for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.
Luke 7:47

"Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it for me."
Matthew 25:40b

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5: 6, 8