Many times I have been ask, how can I help? Is there anything you need? A good friend of mine suggested I write a blog post about how to help. Now, before I start, these ideas are from MY perspective. Not all foster parents will agree with me and that's ok. I hope and pray these suggestions can shed a little light into a world that is not known by many and how different it can actually be.

1. Pray.
Being a foster parent is hard for many reasons. Before you help on a practical level, pray. Pray that God would give them strength to get thru that specific day. Pray for supernatural grace for the birth parents. For peace in the midst of uncertainty...pray, pray and pray. Set yourself a reminder and pray for them once a week. Trust me, we feel your prayers.

2. Don't judge, ask questions (this one applies greatly to those foster parents that have older children in their home).
Most people only know each other on a surface level. When a foster parents opens their home to a child everything changes. Foster kids come from many different backgrounds. If you are placed with a seven year old child that has been in one, two, three different homes, how much harder will it be to teach that child your values, family dynamic and so on? You say, "Well didn't you say yes to that child?" Yes they might have, but no foster parent is ever told all the information.
Things will look different than the traditional family. You might see things your child doesn't do or you might disagree with that parenting style. Either way there is never a good time to judge. If you don't understand why that foster parent has to bear hug their child and speak softly into their ear, just ask. If you see a foster parent or a parent in general for that matter having a bad day with the kids, pull them aside and ask, can I do anything for you right now?
With this suggestion it's important to remember you don't know all the details. Before judging, stop to understand that person and their situation.

3. Bring a meal or a bag of goodies.
A good friend of mine stopped by my house and dropped off a bag full of Trader Joe's goodies. It was such a huge help. There were practical things like frozen pizzas, bananas, dipped pretzels, cereal and some other things. It doesn't have to be much. Don't over think it, just get stuff you would like. This suggestions is especially helpful when having an older child because those frozen pizzas and quick meals are amazing when you're the only one home.

4. Get approved to watch foster kids.
Many people don't realize foster kids can't be watched by just anyone. All babysitters for foster kids must be approved (background checked) by the state before watching kids. This one was a huge blessing for us when a couple in our church small group offered to be regular babysitters for our children. I can't tell you how truly grateful we are for them. If you have foster parents in your circle of friends, offer to complete the paperwork and bless them by giving them a night off once in a while.

5. Donate your kids old toys and/or clothes. 
When we were placed with our five year old boy many people loved us in this way. Having age appropriate toys and clothes ready for that foster child says, we were ready for you. That child can have some ease connecting with a favorite toy instead of trying to understand why he or she is in a strangers home.

6. Stop by.
I know this may not work for everyone but if you have their cell number, send them a text and see if they are available for a friend visit. For me this is especially amazing because my husband works odd hours so when most people are at home with the family he is at work. The more kids you have in the house the harder it is to get out. Sometimes it's easier if a friend just stops by to say hello and give that parent some adult time.

7. Throw a baby/child shower.
When a woman announces to her family and friends she is pregnant there is joy, expectation and excitement. Baby showers, registries and all kinds of things are planned anticipating the baby's arrival. As a foster parent these things don't tend to happen. Many times placements are same day with little time to plan for a child coming into your home.
Just before we received our foster license, two dear friends of mine planned a baby shower for me. Many people didn't understand and had questions as to why they were throwing a shower for me. Well to my shock we were licensed that Monday after the shower and received our first placement, a nine day old baby girl that following day. We received a couple of gift cards and I thought to buy a convertible car seat so we could be prepared, just in case. Practically that shower was a huge blessing because we were much more prepared when our baby came. Whether a foster family is waiting, has a child placed with them or gets more children, consider loving them in this way.

8. Don't forget about them.
I think it's easy to be super excited about foster parents being placed with their first child, especially if it's a little newborn baby. Over time though, people forget. Remember that every time a foster parent is placed with a child it can be a time to celebrate.  Support them with your words, simple acts of service and prayer.

On Tuesday, September 24th we picked up our third foster care placement, a five year old boy needing a long term home.  Westin and I had been praying about the Lord opening doors for us to have another child in our home, specifically an "older" foster child.  As we looked into several different children needing a home, I received an email about a five year old boy needing a permanent home the Sunday before picking him up.  I didn't think anything of it because I get many emails about kids needing a home daily.

Last Thursday afternoon we welcomed little Amanda into our little family.  She is a temporary placement until the courts figure out the next steps but in our eyes she has a place in our family forever.

How did this happen...

A couple of days before receiving an email about Amanda I sent an email to Micah Grace's social worker asking for updates on her mother and what to expect at our next hearing.  To my surprise I read her reply stating that her mother wants to see Micah Grace.  This is were foster care gets difficult.  Nothing is ever certain.  One minute a mom can say she wants her baby adopted and the next visitations.

When I read and re-read the email, tears pouring down my face my heart ached with uncertainty imaging life without Micah Grace.  I told Westin the update and then we prayed.  We have nothing else but certainty in Christ.  He called us into this journey and he promised He would supply all of our needs.

We finished praying and I went into the baby room weeping trying to hear something, anything from the Lord.  I picked up my devotional and read the following:

I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for with you.  What more could you need?  When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level.  I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. 

It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events.  Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire.  Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves.  Determined to make things go your way, you forget I am in charge of your life.  The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence.  Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do.  I am the Lord!

Below are the two verses the book gives as part of the devotion.

"What the shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"
Romans 8: 31-32

"But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me."
Micah 7:7 (yes, not by chance the verse was from the book of Micah)

It was very clear what God was calling me to do...what He's called me to thru this whole process; trust in Him.  In the days that followed God continued to speak the same words to me.  "Don't worry Dorina, I am for you, not against you.  I know what I am doing.  Trust in me and when you feel like analyzing the details, look to me even more."

So this brings me back to Amanda.  I truly believe she is directly from the Lord.  There is no time to think about the details regarding Micah Grace.  There are too many things to take care of with a 4 month old and brand new 6 days old baby.  Jesus keeps giving us strength during this uncertain time.  We don't know what will happen but I have to trust that if Micah Grace is returned to her mother, it's what God desires AND that He will get us through it.

For now we are going to love these two little girls.  They are a gift from the Lord.  Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue to trust and follow Jesus.

How do I even begin to explain the last three months?  This is very hard to do so I will just tell you some things I have learned along the way but before that, let me tell you where we are in the foster care process.

Last month Westin and I went to court to represent our little Micah Grace.  We don't have a say in anything but we go to the court hearings because we care deeply for this little girl.  We want to advocate for her.  The hearing is called a "Fact-Finding Hearing" where it is determined whether the child should be declared a dependent of the state and/or give evidence to the court.  I was very nervous.  I am not really sure why this particular hearing was so nerve racking for me.  Maybe it was the thought of someone coming in and telling us, "Sorry, we don't need you anymore.  Say goodbye and give us the child."  I know, it's a little extreme but a lot of things were going on in my head.

As we waited for Micah Grace's case to be called, I quietly prayed that God would give me peace in the midst of the hustle and bustle of lawyers, social workers, parents and/or advocates.  When her name was called we stepped into the courtroom and was escorted to the back to listen to the proceedings.  The state lawyer presented a case stating the mother requested her child to be adopted and the alleged father wasn't in the picture and/or returning correspondence.   He then requested for Baby Girl (Micah Grace's legal name) to be changed in order to receive a proper birth certificate and social security card.  He also requested for final publication to be published.  This is something that is required for all kids that have an unknown father or mother.  It's an ad that is placed in the classified section of the newspaper stating the baby's specific birth information.  It's a little weird but it is the final step the state makes in order to find biological parents.  Both of these requests were approved by the judge which was a huge blessing.  The judge proceeded to ask the lawyer why he isn't requesting to expedite the case and then scheduled another hearing for June 3rd.  We were pretty shocked the judge even cared about moving forward with Micah Grace's case at such a rapid pace.  Either way nothing could have been done then because the lawyer wasn't prepared with the correct paperwork to expedite the case.

So here we are...waiting.  Many have asked me how I can keep waiting for another couple of months.  This whole process has been about waiting on the Lord, so waiting some more doesn't really bother me. We know that Micah Grace will always be our daughter no matter what.  We don't need a judge to make it so.  She has captured our hearts forever.  Her story is a miracle.  She is with us because God wrote this before the beginning of time.  Every decision that was and has been made regarding her life has been infused with God's love and faithfulness.  There is a reason her mother didn't abort this little girl.  I thank God always for giving her mother the strength to give birth to this little miracle baby.

We are blessed.

Some things I have learned...

1. No book will ever be able to tell me what's best for my little girl...only she can show me that.

2. If the baby sleeps in my arms for another two/three hours it won't affect her sleeping habits for life.

3. Don't lose the pacifier before going to the doctor's appointment.  Always have at least two in the diaper bag for emergency purposes.

4. If the floors don't get cleaned for another 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. days, don't sweat it.  It's just the floor.  She is more important.

5. Becoming a parent is a hard adjustment.  Give a lot of grace.

6. Get out of the house and go for walks a lot.  It's good for the body and the soul.

7. Don't feel guilty when you finally sat down to read your Bible and the baby starts crying.  God can speak even through one or two verses.

8. If she wants to sleep in the bouncy seat, great.  At least she is sleeping.

9. No mother has it all together and if they look like they do they are putting on a good front.

10. People helping does not say you are a bad parent.

What a week!?  God is so good.  I can't believe last Tuesday we met our little girl for the first time.  Can you love someone so much only knowing them for seven days?

Micah Grace has been the perfect first baby.  I mean it's hard for me not to say that because she really has been perfect.  Her first couple of days I think she would have slept through the night if we didn't wake her up to eat.  Speaking of eating...she eats great.  It's been a week of doctor's appointments, hearing tests, cuddling, reading books and all kinds of firsts for the Goetz family.

In the midst of all the happiness and joy it's only natural to ask if Micah Grace will be our forever child.  The questions and fears are ever present during this time.  You try not to entertain them but if you're honest with yourself, you know there is fear.  So what do we do with the fear?  What do you do when you love this child so much and want to keep her forever?  Well for us, we go to the Father.

Every morning after changing feeding and changing Micah Grace, I read to her from our Jesus Calling book by Sarah Young.  Here is what we read this morning:

"Seek my face, and you will find not only My Presence but also My Peace.  To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust. The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand.  Ask My Spirit within you to order your day and control your thoughts, for the mind controlled by the Spirit is Life and Peace.

You can have as much of Me and My Peace as your want, through thousands of correct choices each day.  The most persistent choice you face is whether to trust Me or to worry.  You will never run out of things to worry about, but you can choose to trust Me no matter what.  I am an ever-present help in trouble.  Trust Me, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the hear of the sea."

What encouraging words.  My only hope can be in Christ.  Nothing else can give me peace.  The truth is, even if Micah Grace doesn't stay with us, God is still good...really good.  He knows her by name.  He knows everything about her and has her in His hands.  It is so comforting to know that God doesn't make mistakes.  Nothing takes him by surprise.  He is shaping and molding both Westin and I to put our trust and hope in Him, no matter what.  We are so honored that He chose us to love this beautiful little girl.  Every time we look at her we see how much God loves us.  We couldn't ask for anything more.

Thank you for your continued thoughts, support and most importantly your prayers. Both Westin and I are humbled by your love and generosity.

"God is our refuge and strength, 
an ever-present help in trouble. 
Therefore we will not fear, though the 
earth give way 
and the mountains fall into the heart of 
the sea, 
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their 
surging." - Psalm 46:1-3

I am sitting in Micah Grace's room trying to figure out how I am going to put into words her amazing arrival.  The last 24hrs have been full of God's grace and love towards us.